Twenty Reasons Why dogs do not Use Computers

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Butt-sniffing is more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
Annoyed by the lack of a Newsgroups entitled "alt.pictures.master's.leg"
Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question.
SmellU-SmellME communications software is still in beta testing.
The barking keeps activating voice recognition software.
'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats on the other hand...
Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
They are awaiting the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
Not at all fooled by the Chuckwagon screen saver.
Keep bruising their noses trying to fetch that MPEG Frisbee.
Involuntary tail wagging is a dead giveaway that they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
Fire hydrant icon is simply frustrating.
Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail".
Too difficult to "mark" every Web site they visit.
Hard to read the monitor with their heads cocked to one side.
FETCH command not available on all platforms.
Can't Stick their heads out of Windows '98.